Homage to the Bard of Booze and Broads

The words on the wall
Said BIG THINGS
But when the sign fell
It left no shadow

If Donkeys Were Wishes....

If Spam emails were true, I’d never shit again, be filthy rich, have a closet of Ipods, Wii;s, Laptops, be thin as a rail, live for ever and have a 50 inch cock!

Ah, if only I clicked on those links, Sigh!

;0)

Nameless Poem

All I have
is all I was,
and what just
might happen
to be.
I am the nexus;
the turning point.
The now lives
only within me.

Open Letter fo My Friends

Recently, I joined Facebook, a social networking site. I had never much interest in these sorts of things, until an old friend from High School contacted me via this medium. I had a little experience with MySpace and found it to be too cumbersome and slow, so I never really got into it. Through Facebook, whose features seem more streamlined and actually useful than MySpace, I was able to connect with family and friends as well as find old friends. It’s a marvelous tool for helping people stay in touch and stay in touch at a level heretofore unknown. In addition to sharing photos, movies, likes and dislikes, you can share all the subtle nuances that go on in our day to day lives, such as what are you thinking or doing at this moment and other small tidbits of personal information, through surveys such as “44 odd/random things about me”.

Part of the appeal of Facebook and other such programs is the ability to find and communicate with old friends from the past, like people with whom you went to High School. It was this part of my Facebook journey that struck me as personally poignant.

One of the features of Facebook it helps you contact people you may know, making suggestions for you, based on who you email, and it displays your ‘Friends” in a little box on your home page. Just like in reality, no one on Facebook wants to be seen as not having friends and indeed some people have hundreds. It seems that part of the goal on Facebook is to “collect friends” regardless of how much a person really is your ‘friend”. I was even contacted by people with whom I work and asked to be their Facebook friend, even though I do not socialize with them at all.

Thus, I too began my journey to collect friends. A journey not unfilled with some difficulty. Whereas I struggled to get up towards 20 friends, people I know who joined Facebook after me soon had many more friends than I…. and this bothered me. Thus, it caused me to reflect on my status with respect to my ‘social network”.

Part of my difficulty in accumulating Facebook Friends stems from the fact that I come from a small family, so “check”, less people there in my life to count on as a Friend. Another issue is that some of my closest friends from “back in the day” are now dead or have dropped of the grid entirely. Thus, “check”, yet another reason why my Friends count is challenged.

But it was when I reached out to old friends from the past that I had a bit of a revelation and that was, I may not have been a very good friend! I was not super popular in High School, but I had a small core group of close friends; we even called ourselves the “Famn Damily”. However, over the years many of these people drifted away from me, or perhaps more correctly said, I drifted away from them. Through ego and self preoccupation, I let people I cared about disappear from my life. Even worse, while I imagined that I was the receiver of many a slight from some so-called friends, the perspective of the past 20 years reveals to me, that I was not that kind either and in some cases, I may have been down right mean.


I’m not sure why I was this way. Perhaps, it’s the nature of kids to be this way, or perhaps I was making up for some shortcoming elsewhere, or perhaps I have softened as the years go by. I don’t know, I am still on this journey; trying to figure out the reasons for what I have come to learn about myself.

Regardless of what I discover, I have made a personal commitment to try and be a better friend, in person and not just on Facebook; to be less self-absorbed and more attuned to others needs. Thus, I say to you, if you are reading this and you are a friend of mine, please accept my apology if I have not been the best of friends to you and please know that, while I may have appeared to be self centered, I care about you deeply. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my friend.

Irony Part 2

Recently, I posted an article here entitled, Irony, about my trials and tribulations with snowblowers. If you read the story, you know that my neighbor has been storing his snow blower in my garage. Well, shortly after he began storing it here, IT BROKE DOWN. So, once again, I have 2 BROKEN snowblowers in my garage. The moral of the story must be, dont store snowblowers in my garage!

Brrr. I'm Cold. Where is my Fur?

There are a number of people out there who believe the evolution is a mistaken notion and that it is just “a theory”. Additionally, there are many people who believe that global warming is just a another erroneous concept, yet another theory.

Perhaps no one has said this to you, if you are one of these people, but failure to believe in evolution is not an expression of your faith, it’s merely a demonstration of your ignorance! Evolution is a fact! Proven, scientifically. Period. Saying it’s a theory is like saying the sun is a theory. If you had more than a 6th grade education then you would know this.

People who disbelieve the global warming scientists point to the fact that, “gee, its winter and its cold, where is your global warming?” There are still people who believe the world is flat. Are you one of them too? It looks flat doesn’t it? Can you see it being round? Hmm. But we know that it is round and we know that there is proof of climate change. Yes, there may be one or two scientists who disagree, but the overwhelming evidence from scientists of every stripe is that climate change is a fact! A little publication called Scientific American believes climate change is occurring, so your scientist at the local community college disagrees, so to you, it aint real. Oh, you great thinker you. YOU know the truth, when 95% of the REAL scientists believe in climate change and all of them believe in evolution.

Well, I am here to tell you, in case no one has, to get your head out of your ass! Its time to move on from your ignorant points of view. Now you will at least have more important things to do with your time, like fighting abortion and the war on drugs! Rock on!

My 200th Geocache!

#200

This cache marks my 200th. I have been caching for nearly 6 years. I hit my 100th cache 3 years ago, so I am averaging about 33 caches a year, a casual cacher by some accounts. However, some people I know of who were going great guns and had over 1,000 caches or more have not cached in awhile. Like many things I think geocaching can become an addiction. Some people “binge” and go crazy ticking of caches, others, such as myself, we plod along, but perhaps we have integrated caching more into a lifestyle and less as a fad; some other hobby we pick up and then move on from, to the next craze.

For some, caching is all about the find: how many caches you have and finding the next one. For others like me, it’s about the journey, the adventure along the way. Sure, I’d like to find more caches and have more adventure, but I also know that life is about a balance. You have to take care of the family, work, educate yourself, rest and have other hobbies too. Life is what happens to you on the way to the cache.

This cache, my 200th, provides a great example. I had been hovering at 199 caches waiting for my friend Rex to get caught up to 249 so that we could hit our respective milestones together in one epic cache. I had identified a couple of caches that would fit the bill, but the timing never worked out. Then my mom got sick and I had to travel to New Hampster. I don’t get to travel much, so this opportunity afforded me the chance to do a number of caches and in places I get to but rarely. Rex was at 248 and had attempted to find #249, but failed to. I was unaware of this when we agreed to find this unassuming cache as I let out for the north. It was not the “epic cache” I had hoped for in a milestone cache, but it would have to do.

It was when we found the cache that I learned that this was not to be Rex’s milestone. I was a little disappointed, but hey, these things are somewhat arbitrary points on our timelines, aren’t they? I posed for a quick pic, but had to run to get some miles behind me. Rex was off to finally grab his 250 and on any other day, we would probably have made a day of caching ( its been awhile for he and I ). He had shared with me where he was going as we departed.

I got a few miles up the road when I thought, what the heck! And I turned down the road I knew that Rex would travel, hoping to catch up with him and share in his milestone as he shared in mine. I waited, but Rex was detained so I left and as I did, I passed him. We spoke on the phone as he parked and then a few minutes later again when he grabbed the cache. So we had to share it in that way.

What caused me to change my mind, was the realization that this “sport” is not about finding the cache, but about the attempt, what you do and see along the way and more importantly, who is with you as you do. Hitting my milestone made me reflect on the times I have spent caching and while I have found 200 caches, I remember best the fun, the good times and the good friends I shared this all with and to quote Robert Frost… that has made all the difference. Here is to # 201! TFTCTNLNSLTTFN. Bonsai!!!

Phelps Pot Pic

With revelations of a photo showing Michael Phelps’ use of a bong to smoke marijuana still reverberating around the internet, some have begun to wonder if his sponsors will stand by their man or abandon ship.

While we have yet to hear official statements from the likes of Nike or Speedo, companies for whom Michael is a spokesperson, ironically, bong manufacturers are lining up in droves to sign a deal with Michael to endorse their products….

Stay tuned.

Channeling My Inner Shakespeare

Deep beneath winters downy throw
Sleeps abed, a dreaming spring,
of tomorrows bloom,
a hope to grow,
and rise in mornings
wakening.

Open Letter to Our Elected Officials

Dear ;

There is a crisis in Connecticut looming with regard to the supports to people with mental illness and intellectual disabilities. Misplaced liability, over regulation, lack of resources and a system with conflicting and overlapping requirements has created an untenable situation; a situation which necessitates immediate change. If we fail to act, providers will close shop, their employees will leave for better opportunities and vulnerable people will die. In short, the system will cease to function.
I have worked in the human services business for nearly 25 years. During this time I have seen significant change and the lack of change as well. My opinions come from my personal experience and observation. While I still work in the field, my opinions are my own and I write this as a taxpayer and a voter.
Since the first days of deinstitutionalization the state has gotten it wrong. In the beginning, when medicine and psychological interventions made it a realistic option to support people in the community, rather than in institutions, vulnerable people were discharged to… nowhere. There were no community supports, no safety nets and little quality of life. The result? Throughout the 1970s and 1980s there was a rising tide of disabled people in homeless shelters, living on the street, in nursing homes and in prison. Finally, someone got the bright idea to put resources in place to help these individuals to be successful in the community and, surprise, they were.
However, systemic negligence of this sort still exists today. Our policies and procedures do not support success, but rather they court failure. Here is why:

1) Wrongly placed blame
What the system has done is to take some of the most difficult people on earth, people that could not be helped by armies of men and women in white coats with degrees, and given them to the care of people who are well meaning, but not as educated and certainly not as well paid. Then, when something goes wrong, the professional second guessers blame the staff, when most of the time, barring blatant abuse or neglect, it is a systemic issue.
This situation was exacerbated several years ago by a Hartford Courant investigative article regarding deaths which occurred in the DDS ( then DMR ) system. While probably well intentioned, what the paper failed to recognize is the difficulties that can exist in caring for some of these people. We are talking about people who are suicidal, highly medically fragile or who are dangerous to themselves. The Hartford Courant article created a wide ranging sense of paranoia in the service delivery system. Mortality review committees were created to investigate “untimely deaths” and, of course, they are almost always going to find something wrong. If you look for a problem, you find it. While these committees have a place, their function seems more about assigning blame rather than improving the system.
What no one says is, “thank you for taking care of these people. You gave them a good quality of life and they lived longer, and better, than they otherwise would have.” Our system focuses on what is wrong and ignores what is done well

2) Misuse of, and lack of, funds
One of the main keys to good care is well trained, well motivated and decently paid staff. Unfortunately, this too is an area that has seen systemic neglect. While it may appear that some of these caretakers earn a living wage, their actual buying power has decreased significantly over the years, as inflation has fast outpaced COLA’s. Thus, a person today is actually making quite a bit less than they were in the past! In its infinite wisdom, the state saw fit to not provide a COLA increase to this group this year, only further compounding the problem. Private agencies now compete with large retailers and the like in terms of attracting and retaining staff, whereas we require more skilled and semi-skilled workers.
The folks who are being paid the best are those that work for the state. There is a dramatic difference between what state employees get in pay and benefits over private sector employees (State employees make about $21/hr whereas the average private provider employee gets paid about $14/hour! ) Ironically, the state services are often of less quality than that of private sector providers ( just ask state inspectors ). State employees get paid decently for one reason: they belong to unions. If the private sector were to unionize then, perhaps, better wages and benefits would ensue, but at the same time this would erase most of the cost savings reaped by privatization.
There is also the issue of misallocated funds. 70% of the funding goes to support 30% of the people (in the DDS system at least), while only 30% of the funds go to support a sizeable majority of people needing resources. By the way, the 70% is the funding for the state system and not the private provider system.

3) Regulation does not fit reality
The private sector model of supports, both residential and therapeutic day services, is based on the Social Learning Model. The social learning model focuses on the abilities of people and not their disabilities. Rather than seeing them as sick needing treatment, they are people with unique abilities and challenges. In this model the emphasis is on normalization, education and support in environments which are as home-like, or as work-like, as possible
However, as we experience an aging population this group has more and more medical care needs, which have not been accounted for or budgeted for. As more medical care is required, the medical model has crept more and more into the lives of private caregivers. This requires nursing and nursing assessment.
That’s all well and fine in a hospital or a convalescent home, but in a group home the nearest nurse can be miles away, or as close as the nearest ER, which is the primary care that many of the people I have identified receive.
The Connecticut Nursing Practice Act states that only licensed people can do certain tasks and the top of the food chain, besides doctors, are RNs. There are supposedly 55,000 RNs in Connecticut, but most of them are not practicing. Thus, we strain a system already under strain. The system demands RN’s of which there are few. We demand LPNs, which are also in short supply and who cannot really do anything in absence of direction from an RN anyway. We make all these demands, but the system does not pay for them. What we have is barely trained non-licensed people increasingly doing the work of licensed medical personnel.
While these staff can do some of the functions they need to ( such as take vital signs ) more significant care calls for a nurse and since there is no nurse physically present, we end up taking these clients to emergency rooms, which are also under significant strain and the most expensive sort of care. Of course, this cost is borne by the taxpayer.
Furthermore, since our regulations are so complex, many doctors are not familiar with them and moreover do not want to be bothered to jump through all the hoops we need them to jump through, in terms of red tape and paperwork. The end result? Less providers willing to help and even more challenges to service delivery.
The Nursing Practice Act also creates another complexity. Because a nurse has trained a non-licensed care provider, if that employee makes a mistake, the nurse can also be ( and are ) held responsible. This is the case even if the nurse is not physically present.
How many nurses do you think want to participate in this form of arrangement? It is noteworthy that this is not the case in other states. It does not make sense to hold someone else responsible for the actions of another.
It is also important to note that there are also vast discrepancies between state agencies. For example, under the DDS system medication administration is strictly controlled, whereas under DMHAS there is little training and the rules are not enforced, even though the exact same tasks are provided and the same regulations should apply.

4) Complicated, overlapping and contradictory methods of payment
Currently, in the DDS system at least there are 3 separate methods by which private providers are paid 1) By contract ( the traditional system) 2) By the clients having portable funds, and 3) Fee for Service. These systems exist concurrently. It is so complicated that even DDS employees do not know all the intricacies of how they intermingle. This has caused some sharp criticism by the public of DDS operations (please reference the Country Club Woods Circle group home ).
The issue is even more challenging for private providers. If a client with portable dollars leaves a group home then the next person filling the vacancy must have a similar amount of money. If not, then the provider is not able to properly staff the home. You can easily have “contracted clients” and clients with portable dollars in the same home, making nearly impossible to properly budget for the peoples needs.
Another issue involves when a client has to go into the hospital ( which, given our population, can be often ). If the client is out of the group home for more than 15 days then the provider ceases getting Department of Social Service payments for that individual until they return. It’s not like a private provider can rent out the bed space or lay-off staff. How are providers supposed to deal with this financially?
The complexities and intricacies of this problem are more than I can delineate here, suffice it to say, that the system is broken and in desperate need of repair.

5) Poor Planning
The people in the system are getting older. As they do, their needs increase. The state has neither prepared for, nor budgeted for, what is a clear and simple reality. The costs to support people with special needs only ever increases. However, today, we are being asked to cut our budgets!
While I am not saying that inefficiencies cannot be found in the system, there is very little, as the system was never properly funded in the first place. I wonder what the correlation is between funding cuts and death in the population of people with special needs?
I believe there is a direct and positive correlation. If people do die, please keep in mind what I said above, it will NOT be the fault of the direct support employee.

In closing, the system of service delivery to our most disadvantaged and vulnerable people needs to be streamlined, re-organized and re-evaluated using a healthy dose of common sense. The private provider system, on which much of the service delivery system is based, is seriously threatened by red tape and misguided ideas. The state is supposed to provide the “Arch of Oversight”, however the arch is crumbling.
I am writing to you to urge you to take leadership on these issues. I write to you because I am tired of seeing a system that can do so much, but which falls so short of the mark. As a person with a Masters Degree in Organization and Management and as a part time college professor, I would use this system as an example of how to NOT run an organization. If businesses were run this way they would be out of business.
We privatize so that we can take advantage of the American ideals of entrepreneurship, ingenuity and creativity inherent in private organizations; and because it is a cheaper and more versatile approach to this type of health care than is government and bureaucracy. Let’s not kill it with the same system it was designed to enhance.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Respectfully,

Antony S. Whittaker

LOST

The true definition of being lost is not that you don’t know where you are, but that you don’t know where you have been! Now that’s lost!

A Warming Thought

Sign on the door of the local scuba diving shop:

Its 80 degrees somewhere!

A Little Folk Wisdom May Be Called For Here

It dont matter much who's drivin' if the car won't start.

Irony

Several years ago my Father-in-Law gave me a snow blower, as I had a new house, complete with driveway, but no way to move the snow except by hand, well, er shovel. My father-in-Law is a big believer in machines. “You can’t have a house without a snow blower”, he said.

Thus, taking pity on me, he bequeathed to me a big hulk of a thing which I later named “Big Bertha”. It was about 20 years old, but in good shape, having been well maintained by my machine loving father-in-law. Bertha was bright yellow and weighed nearly as much as an Oldsmobile. Every time I used the thing, it was like doing 13 hours of hard aerobic exercise, but it served me well for a number of years.

This thing would cut through any snow drift. One time, one of the chains came off the wheel ( I had chains put on because of my steep, slippery drive way ) unbeknownst to me. In my next pass, I ran over the chains and Bertha picked them up and tossed them like so much January snow, that’s how tough this machine was.

Two years ago it died. The auger worked but it would not self propel and without it being able to self propel it is as useless as a stone for moving snow.

My father-in-law had another snow blower, having recently bought yet another new one
( what is it with Father-in-Laws and snow blowers? ), so he again gave me his old one, being the nice guy that he is. This one served me one winter, before it too died. There was something wrong with the drive mechanism in this one as well.

I took it back to his house and after several hours we deduced that a bracket deep inside had broken, causing the drive chain to come off. We ( well, HE ) welded it and it was up and running again. We buttoned it up but because we were in a hurry, we did not really get to test it out. My friend and I picked it up and took it home only to find out when I got it there that it did indeed run, but that it now only ran backwards!

More wasted time, dirty hands and many expletives later, it was running properly. Bear in mind these things are not small and required a trailer and much effort to move back and forth between our homes.

I used it a few times before it died, again; the same problem. Now I had two broken snow blowers and winter looming.

I had two broken snow blowers in my garage for nearly two years, both of them propped up on 5 gallon buckets, with their innards hanging out. They sat there taunting me every time I went into my garage. I fancied I could hear them going “nya, nya, nu nya nya”.






Last year a friend of mine was short on work and he volunteered to fix them for me at a reasonable price. I took him up on it. He did some maintenance work on them too and in the matter of a week I had two running snow blowers! Yeah, I was back in business. It goes without saying that I did not NEED two snow blowers, I was happy that they both ran after having spent $300 dollars. I thought it was a bargain.

That is until it snowed. I hadn’t completed one pass with the newer snow blower, when it died, again! I went ballistic and started to kick it, scream at it and punch it. The upper portion of the machine, where the controls were, was plastic, WAS being the optimal word here. Plastic breaks easily in the cold. With little fragments tinkling like broken icicles.

I went and got Bertha and finished the driveway. I was putting Bertha away, happy to have at least one functioning snow blower, when it too died, AGAIN!. ARGHH! It was the drive mechanism once more. Cursed machines!

Thus, two snow blowers sat broken in my garage for yet another summer.

This past fall I started scouting out places that sell snow blowers. It was still warm out when I was shopping around and asking “when are you getting your snow blowers in?”. Finally, it started to get cold, and the snow blowers made their appearance. In fact , they were plentiful and on sale. But expensive! So I had to save. The clock was ticking, but I thought, “Hey, they cant sell them all, can they? Some one will still have to have some, somewhere, won’t they”?

Then, an early snow storm hit and presto, as quick as ice melts on a hot day, they were all gone. NO ONE had a single snow blower to spare. Again, I took to stalking the home it yourself stores. They kept saying “we are getting a shipment in next week”. “A shipment left New Jersey two days ago”. Now I am no geographic genius, but I am pretty sure it does not take two days to get from New Jersey to Connecticut.

The next week would come and I would toddle of to the store, only to find out that the shipment came in early and sold as quickly. This was like trying to get tickets to see Bruce Springsteen!

Finally, on a lark one afternoon, I called the store and a man there said, “we just got a shipment in, I am unloading them right now”. I nearly had three accidents on my way to the store. As I ran into the store, I saw the snow blower I wanted, all recently assembled and shining brightly right by the front door. I grabbed it and bought it instantly. I was afraid to let it out of my sight while I went to get the car. I was elated. I called all my friends, “guess what, I just bought a BRAND NEW snow blower”.




All I needed now was snow. A week went by, no snow. Then finally, it was looking promising. A N’oreaster, blowing up out of the southwest. This was MY storm. I even hung out my winter flag that said “Let it Snow”. I was ready.

And snow it did. Though we only got 4 inches, I was ready to blow. When the big moment came I went out side all bundled up in my snow blowing finest, only to find that my neighbor had just gotten a used snow blower and he had graciously done a good chunk of my driveway already, returning the favor as I had often done his drive way when I had a working machine. I caught him in mid-act.

“WHAT do you think you are doing?” I yelled at him, a little too loudly, saliva flying out of my mouth and freezing in mid-air. He sheepishly pointed and said, “I am doing your driveway, I thought you’d be happy”.

“Happy!? Happy!”, I shouted. I was apoplectic. “Do I look friggin happy to you?!” “I have a brand new snow blower”, I said, pointing to the bright orange machine peeking out of my garage. “I can do my own drive way thank you!”

My neighbor slunk off. If he had a tail, it would be between his legs as he shuffled up the driveway, unsure of what to make of my anger at his seeming good deed.

I ran to fire up the new machine. This was it. The time had come and I was like a kid at Christmas. No sooner did I have it up and running and purring like a kitten did another neighbor of mine come over with his SNOW PLOW! He waived and stopped in front of my house. “Hey”, he said, “I’ll do your drive way for you, there is no need to worry. Go back inside.” “Oh, hey, did you get a new snow blower”?

I cried a little tear, as I put my machine back in the garage….

This is the definition of irony.