How I Know That the People in My Town are Idiots

I had been working in T-Town before I lived there. One day on the way to work my car started to act funny. When I got to work I called a garage and made plans to drop my car off there after work. After work, I began making my way to the garage, but the problem became even worse. The car began to cough and chug and eventually broke down. I had been really hoping to make it to the garage and hadn’t expected the problem to become so acute.

Unfortunately, I broke down on a main road in town and near a very busy intersection. The car had given up the ghost right in the lane of traffic. I tried pushing it, but it was a Ford Taurus station wagon and quite large and heavy. I turned on my emergency blinkers, opened the hood and looked to see if I could figure out what was wrong. I couldn’t, so I had to walk to a nearby pay phone to call for a tow. When I returned I had some time to kill, so I sat in the car. Shortly thereafter, another car pulled up behind me. It paused a moment and then flashed its lights. I wasn’t certain what they were doing so I just sat there. A few seconds later they beeped their horn. I rolled down the window and motioned for them to go around, which they did after yet another pregnant pause. As the car went by me the driver yelled, “Get out of the road”. “Well, duh, Brainiac, if I could I would” I said to myself.

Another car pulled up behind me and we went through pretty much the same charades. This activity was repeated several times. Each time I was yelled at, swore at and told to “get out of the way”. What was wrong with these people? Couldn’t they see I was broken down? I got out of the car and began flagging people to go around me. This did not help. Finally, the tow truck came and got me out of there, but not before dozens of people had stopped, honked and yelled at me.

I have had clunker cars for many years and have broken down in my share of intersections, but I had never had this happen. In my past experience, someone would eventually come and give you a push. Not only did this not happen in T-Town, but I was also the butt of many a derisive remark. I didn’t expect anyone to help me, but at a minimum you would think that they would have sized up the situation and figured out that I would have moved if I could have. Then it hit me; an epiphany like a light from heaven. A revelation came that has stuck with me ever since and has been reinforced in the years that I lived in T-Town. That is, the people here are a bunch of F*ing Idiots!