Marketing Gone Wrong

Here Now, There Then

These days,
these names,
carved in stone;
mute
and immutable.
As if frozen in,
permanent winter.
I was here
once. I did not know
then, I would be
again, but I am.
Perhaps
for no more.
Who knows what
winds will carry me
or where? It grows
colder, that alone is sure.
A day warmer
may dawn missing me
and somewhere will lie
my stone to mark
this waypoint
of my crossing,
connecting
the here, now and
the there, then.

The Next Public Health Threat

In a significant reversal of position, the Surgeon general and the FDA have announced today that they now consider turkey to be nothing more than a “Tryptophan Delivery System”. This change in policy comes hot on the heals of other attempts at food regulation, including restrictions on the sale of Halloween candy and macaroni salad.

New legislation would mandate a total reformation and restructuring of how turkey products are manufactured, marketed and distributed in this country. “The nation can thereby see real and swift progress in preventing underage use of turkey, addressing the adverse health effects of turkey use and changing the corporate culture of the entire turkey industry”, said FDA Spokesperson Ima Idjit.

The Food and Drug Administration ("FDA") and other public health authorities view the use of turkey products by our nation's adult males as a "disease" of epic and worsening proportions that results in new generations of tryptophan dependent adults and children. “There is also a consensus within the scientific and medical communities that turkey products are inherently dangerous and are directly kinked to car crashes from over indulgence, obesity and other serious adverse health effects”, reports Idjit.

This legislation greatly strengthens both the federal and state governments' regulatory arsenal and furnishes them with additional resources needed to address a public health problem that affects millions of Americans, striking at a time when there are most vulnerable; around Thanksgiving, a time when people should be spending quality time with their families.

“You can’t have legions of adult Americans nodding off every night in front of the television all hopped up on “Phan”, it’s a threat to the very fabric of the American social fabric”, said Idjit.

Among other things, the new regime would:

Impose and provide funding out of the Industry Payments for an aggressive federal enforcement program, including a State-administered turkey licensing system, to stop minors from obtaining turkey products, while in no way preventing the States from enacting additional measures.

Ensure that the FDA and the States have the regulatory flexibility to address issues of particular concern to public health officials, such as underage turkey usage and turkey dependence.

The sale of turkey products, including soup and sandwiches to adults would remain legal but subject to restrictive measures to ensure that they are not sold to underage purchasers. These measures respond directly to concerns voiced by federal and state public health officials, the public health community and the public at large that the Thanksgiving industry should be subject to the strictest scrutiny and regulatory oversight.

The CREED

We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

~ Mother Teresa

How to Tell if You are a Lech

You might be a lech if:

1) You see a pretty girl at the grocery store and you go down the isle she is in, even though you don’t need anything in that isle.
2) You see a very attractive teenage girl and you think to yourself, “wow, in a few years she will be legal”.
3) You are driving when you see, from behind, what appears to be an attractive woman and you beep the horn to get her to turn around to see if she is as attractive from the front.
4) You do a favor for a pretty girl you don’t even know because while there is a 1 in 10 million chance she will have sex with you, there is still that chance.
5) You pick up “chick magazines” at the grocery store because there are nearly as many photos of beautiful woman in them as there are in Maxim.
6) You go to the same stores at lunch time not because the food is that good or because they are convenient but because there is a pretty girl that works there.
7) You see a good looking gay guy and you think, good, that’s more women for the rest of us.
8) Your tastes run to women that have a pulse and all their limbs and you are willing to compromise on the limbs.
9) You’re a person in a capacity to hire new employees. You have 2 equally situated female candidates for a position and the deciding factor is who is better looking.
10) You have laughed at any of the above scenarios.

Happy Anniversary

My Blog is now 1 year old.

Now, like an infant, I have to start being concerned with changing it's damn diaper and it crawling and getting into everything!

A Quote I Recently Heard

You reach a certain age where life stops giving you things and starts taking things away.