Human Resources Humor

I bet you did not know that Human Resources is a very funny profession, with its own humor. Here is a great HR joke.

Two employees and their boss are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp sitting discarded by the trash. One of the employees picks up the lamp and for fun gives it a rub. A genie pops out and tells the trio that he will grant each of them one wish.

The first employee says, “I want to be on my own private yacht, sailing the Caribbean with a Playboy bunny on one hand and a cocktail in the other”. And, POOF that employee was gone.

The second employee says, “I want to be rich and to live in Hawaii with my own mansion and a harem of beautiful women” and POOF that employee was gone as the genie granted his wish.

The genie then turned to the boss and says, “So what is your wish”?

The boss thought for a minute and said ‘I want both of those employees back to work right after lunch”!

Fuck Abortion

With election fever in full grip, there is one topic that I am really sick up and fed with, that’s abortion. Why is this such a major election issue? With so many other major concerns to discuss, this one ranks in the top three year after year. This needs to go away! Wasn’t this already decided like 20 years ago? I don’t really believe in abortion, but its not any of my goddamn business, is it? The way I see it, if pro-choicers have their way, it directly impacts one life ( perhaps two ), the childs ( and the mothers )! If the pro-lifers have their way, it impacts everyone, the mothers, the kids, and society, what with unwanted kids and parents on welfare and all that. If a women has an abortion, that’s up to her. No one else should be able to dictate what her life is going to be like. Why can’t the pro-lifers leave the woman alone? If a woman has an abortion if does not impact the lifers life at all. Even if the lifers are concerned about the issue, from a theoretical point of view, why does it need to be such a hot button issue? Let’s move on already. The national debate has been had. The reason the lifers care about this topic is because the bible thumpers want to tell people what to do; where to go, when to go there, what to wear and what even to eat. It’s a back door into controlling people. That’s what religion does, it displaces free thinking. I say fuck that and shut up already! Oh, and by the way, regarding the question as to when life begins, look around, if you have not noticed, it began like 2 billion years ago, you fucking numbnuts!

Top 10 Reasons to Go Camping

1) You can pee and dump pretty much anywhere you want to
2) Beef jerky and cheese wiz for breakfast!
3) Wake and bake
4) The smell of nylon in the morning
5) GORP!
6) Personal hygiene is optional
7) It makes a warm bed, hot pizza and cold beer back in “civilization” that much better
8) The world could have been blown up in a cataclysmic inferno and you probably wouldn’t even know it ( or care )
9) No matter how heavy your pack is you would always welcome it being one ounce heavier
10) Half of your fantasy of making love to a hot red-headed nymphomaniac forest ranger in the woods comes true.

Yet Another Haiku

What is a Haiku?
The sound of one hand clapping
beneath the full moon!

A Haiku

A parade of clouds
float upon the morning air;
no two shapes the same.

Unknown Virtuoso

Maybe its me
or Shanika Johnson
of Harlem,
or someone else,
who might be
a virtuoso
on the violin.

But I’ve never played
one and she has never
even seen one
so we will never
know the symphonies
we will miss.

From Flight of the Phonenix

I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love.
If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for.
And if you can't give him that,
just give him something to do.

Scott's Laws

You can make some of the people happy all of the time and all of the people happy some of the time, but you can always piss all of the people off all of the time.

For all things there is a form

Sometimes you are only damned if you don’t.

A person can never be over trained

You are never in the wrong by paying a person ( to go away ).

No matter how good looking she is somewhere there is a guy who’s tired of taking her shit!

It does not matter who is behind the wheel if the car is broken down.

An organization can only be as effective as the limitations of the people at the very top will allow it to be.