Sickos

Having been out of work sick with the flu for the past two days, I have had the misfortune of not only being sick, but also of being subjected to daytime television as well. As a result, I have been sickened twice.

Someone once referred to television as the great wasteland. Now I know why. What I have witnessed has made me very afraid for the future of mankind. If we assume that marketers address their products to the viewing audience, we can by inference, make some assumptions about that audience. Here is what I have concluded;

The person watching daytime television is a woman, most likely disabled and obviously in need of legal assistance. Why else would there be some many commercials like those for the Trantolo and Trantolo law firm, Get Carter legal services or businesses whose goal it is to get the viewer on that assuredly deserved Social Security Disability? Commercials such as these make up approximately 50% of all ads in between television shows.

Our assumed viewer has a raft of physical maladies including, being overweight, problems with menstruation, age spots, headaches and toenail fungus. While her man is not at home, he is not spared her concern as I have inferred from all the commercials for medications dealing with prostrate trouble and erectile dysfunction; or perhaps these are aimed at the few, decidedly elderly, male viewers of this dribble. We are a sorry lot.

If our viewer is unable to get that coveted disability certification, there are a number of schools promising a shortened easy path to fabulous careers and good money; careers in fields such as nursing, accounting and veterinary science. How come none of these schools help you get jobs in the legal or pharmaceutical fields, as clearly there is big money there as well?

The commercials are not the only insights we have into our viewing audience. The shows themselves give us a number of clues. Clearly, our average viewer has a good deal of anxiety. She is concerned about how to raise her children, how to keep romance kindled in her relationships ( see previous comment about medications that treat erectile dysfunction ) and about paying the bills. Go figure?! She also must have a good deal of time on her hands during the day, otherwise why would “In the Loop” suggest that you participate in the show live via e-mail and why would there be hours and hours of programming dedicated to Soap Operas ( which by the way has little to do with either soap or opera )?

I would comment on shows like Gerry Springer or Oprah, but I think they speak for themselves. For me, I am going to work tomorrow, sick or not. I just can’t stand one more day of watching daytime television. Now, excuse me, I must run, the Guiding Light is coming on.